*I move away from the mic to devour flesh
MasterCheese
This user hasn't shared any biographical information
Posts by MasterCheese
I’ll Merge You, You Merging Merger
May 20th
Good news everybody!
As anyone who has listened to the last podcast or 2 will know, Turtlestomp is no longer standalone! (Read: in denial). From here on in, we are the official podcast of MOREtotheGAME. This change will mean absolutely nothing for the podcast, seeing as all 4 of us are admins and writers for MTTG, but hey, bigger is always better!
MOREtotheGAME will focus on more serious games reviews and news, while this will continue to be our outlet for dick-jokes and general silliness. You may see more crossposts and links to and from each site, but all it will do is give you more content to enjoy. That’s always a good thing, right?
So what are you waiting for? Go check out MOREtotheGAME!
(PS: Please click the shiny More button for more crazy important news)
Turtlestomp Live!
Apr 12th
That’s right folks, tomorrow (Monday 12th April) we will be GOING LIVE between 1-8pm (ish…we may update this if that changes).
The Turtlestomp crew will be locked in a house with nothing but alcohol, junk food, and more games than we’re likely to know what to do with. All for the pleasure of your heathen eyes as we record what may be our most epic podcast that we will ever record. Plans are already in place to attempt a large chunk of the Rock Band Endless Setlist, and eat a box of 60 Freddos (not purchased for 17p, which is not a money).
So join us LIVE tomorrow at: http://www.livestream.com/turtlestomp. We promise you probably won’t regret it much.
Bastet: Hell on Earth
Apr 11th
Many of you are probably extremely familiar with the game Tetris. The standard tetromino based game, in which you have to create rows of blocks in order to keep the screen from filling up, and to gain the high score so you can lourd it over your friends.
And of course, if you have played any Tetris ever, you have experienced the sheer hell that is that moment where the one single piece you need to create an amazing set of lines does not appear. You have probably, at this moment in time, cursed the developers of whichever Tetris clone you happen to be playing, convinced that they are specifically out to get you and have programmed the game to piss you off as much as possible. This is the emotion that Bastet sets out to evoke.
Bastet (short for Bastard Tetris) is a Tetris clone that analyses the playing field using a rather complicated algorithm to calculate the worse possible piece it could give you…and then gives you it. If you set up a perfect stack that just requires a single line piece to create 5 whole rows at once, the game will do anything it can to destroy any chance of this happening. It will give you every piece that cannot in any way fit into that gap, until you give in and cover it up.
Fuuuuuuu-
Now, this may sound soul crushing, and it is. But in an incredibly satisfying and fun manner. It’s the kind of game that, despite making you want to smash your fist through your monitor, you still have to play over and over again to beat your own, or your friend’s high score. I have been thrown into hour long binge sessions of Bastet, simply because my friend beat me by a single line. That is how addictive this thing is.
So, if you’re into rage, frustration and computer games that are literally out to get you, you’ll love Bastet.
Bastet is available as a free download for Linux, Windows and a patch is available to allow compilation on Mac OSX. Find it at http://fph.altervista.org/prog/bastet.html
Open Letter to “Hardcore” Gamers
Mar 19th
Peggle, my own personal brand of heroin
My name is MasterCheese. And I am a casual gamer.
I’m not ashamed to admit this. I struggle to spend hours on end in a single game, and I’m far too jumpy to appreciate a good FPS or whatever. So I play casual games. Peggle, Bejewelled, Audiosurf, Rock Band. I can play a level or two, and hop back into IRC or MSN to chat with friends, then go back and play some more. It’s what I enjoy, and I’m glad that games companies are willing to cater to my corner of the market.
But others aren’t quite so pleased about the growing demand for casual games. They are the hardcore gamers. You might be one of them, and I honestly have no issue with you, as long as you leave me alone. Stop bitching about how companies are “ignoring their core audience” and how you put far too much effort into being good at FPSes or RTSes to share the title “gamer” with people like me. Well, I’m so sorry for trying to enjoy myself. And I’d like to prod at these arguments a little.
As far as “core audience” goes. You aren’t being ignored by anyone. Sure, Nintendo’s focus may have been shifted slightly, but when they do release games for you, you complain about them being continuations of existing franchises. The exact franchises you use as an argument for previous greatness. (Yes, flimsy argument, but I need to pad the post out a little >_>). Plus, you have plenty support on the Xbox 360 and PS3, where we don’t, but you don’t hear us complaining. You don’t like the Wii? Don’t buy it, and leave it alone.
And the amount of effort you say you’ve put into your genre of choice. You hardcore gamers aren’t the only people that develop skill through your heavy playing. Have you seen serious Bejewelled players? You watch someone play Bejewelled who has been playing for years and tell me there’s no skill involved. Tell me that they didn’t earn the “title” of gamer.
Also, to be frank, you put in that effort because you enjoy it. You enjoy the challenge provided by the hunt for the next kill, or to complete a game fully on its highest difficulty. But here’s some news for you, different people enjoy different things, and you have no more of a right to be entertained than we do, simply because of your desire to be pushed harder and harder.
All I ask is to be recognised for what I am. A gamer. I play games, I enjoy games. I just enjoy a different level of challenge, a lower level of immersion. The silliness provided by Peggle, the fun of playing Rock Band with a group of my friends. Just because my tastes are different, doesn’t mean I should be held in disdain by “hardcore gamers” for “destroying the industry”.
I am a casual gamer. And I’m not going anywhere.
Pie.
Mar 14th
DISCLAIMER: This is not a real game, nor will it ever be. It is the result of a poor joke from Podcast #1. Do not ask about availability or release dates. It. Does. Not. Exist.
Pie boxart, Tom's photoshop lovely. (Click to fullsize)
Nothing is more fun than sitting down in front of your TV or PC with a lovely pie to enjoy your favourite video game. But what if the pie WAS the game? This is the question that has been asked by the small independant studio PieCo, developers of upcoming title “Pie.” for the Nintendo Wii.
Gameplay
The central gameplay element of Pie. appears very simple. You have a pie, you eat the pie, but in actual fact, it is far more complicated than this. Before you even begin the game, for example, some setup is required in the preparation of the pie. It is extremely important that this is performed thoroughly and quickly, otherwise your enjoyment of the rest of the game will be severely hampered. Through one of my first playthroughs, for example, I accidentally overdid the preparation, and the crust-based sections of the game became almost unbearable.
In addition, the difficulty curve of the game seems to be completely in opposition to that of most other games. Rather than gradually becoming more difficult over time, I found it extremely difficult to begin play immediately, with it becoming easier and easier as time went by. Discussions with the PieCo developers have revealed, however, that they intend to resolve this issue by introducing a unique “blowing” engine, to allow the player to regulate the difficulty of these initial levels.
Despite these teething problems, the game turned out to be extremely enjoyable. The incredible pie-to-mouth technology that PieCo have developed for this game is extraordinarily accurate, achieving more than any other developer has with the limited hardware available in the Wii, and the fast pace required to achieve a satisfactory experience for the last few levels creates an extremely exciting and enjoyable game.
Multiplayer
One of the most important aspects of Pie., as far as I’m concerned, is the multiplayer option. This allows up to 4 people to enjoy the same single-player pie experience together, and really is amazing fun. In “Family Dinner” mode, you are given a single large pie to share, with no objective other than to finish the pie at your leisure, and enjoy some quality time with your friends and/or family. I really got lost in this mode, and actually felt like I was enjoying an ordinary dinner.
On top of this, we are given “Eating Competition” mode, in which you compete against other pie-eaters to eat the most pies within a set amount of time. It must be stressed however, that when playing this mode, you stick to games that match your current PieScore. It is extremely easy to damage your console or even yourself by playing at too high a level. To help with this, a training mode is available to up your PieScore and allow you to eat more pies at a faster pace.
Finally, in “Battling Sibling” mode, you have to compete against another player to see who can eat the most of a single-player sized pie. It is in this mode that Pie. really shines. The addition of the ability to shunt the other player out of the way, or lick the pie crust to gain possession of that section of the pie really made the experience seem real.
The Future
PieCo are dedicated to supporting this game long after release, with several pieces of downloadable content already in development. Amongst these are the “Chips” and “Mushy Peas” mods, that will add further levels of difficulty and enjoyment to the amazing game they have already managed to create.
PieCo also have a couple of possible sequels lined up, the first of these being “Pie 2: The Gravy Chronicles” which will allow a level of pie customisation never before seen in a game, as well as many additions to the incredible range of fillings and crust types already available in the game.
Summary
We only got to play a limited version of the game, with simply the “Steak” option available, and as you can see, I was extremely impressed. With the full version containing such classic fillings as “Steak and Kidney” and “Chicken and Mushroom”, the game promises to be one of the major turning points of this year. I highly recommend it for everyone. Seriously, just go out and buy it. I mean it.
Score: 5/5
(PS: I was unable to provide any gameplay footage, due to an agreement with PieCo. They have promised me, however, that I will be allowed to release this very soon. Watch this space.)
