Random taglines are so last week.
Tom talks too much
Beat Hazard – Super Happy Seizure Time!
Apr 25th
Beat Hazard (Image shamefully borrowed from Cold Beam Games's own site)
I wouldn’t call myself a particularly rabid fan of Rhythm Action games. I do really enjoy a good game of Rock Band with friends and I’ll be damned if I didn’t spend hours upon hours sitting on my own in the dark when Guitar Hero II was released, but when you take a step back the genre looks a bit… well, less interactive with the music than the finely tuned note charts of the aforementioned series’. Instead of the game directly influencing the music, the music just has some effect on how the game plays.
That’s the problem part of me had with Audiosurf. As I followed the hype before it’s release my head was picturing something responding perfectly and clearly to any song you popped into the game. Of course this was impossible, and whilst Audiosurf is still an enjoyable game it wasn’t what I was hoping for. Neither was Beat Hazard, a recently released rhythm action game for the PC and Xbox 360.
The best way to describe Beat Hazard would be a Geometry Wars that reacts to your music. And with a ton more glowing, flashy things, which if you’ve played Geometry Wars is a bit of an accomplishment! Yes, Beat Hazard is a top down, one-screen shooter, where many things are effected by the musical input. The spawning of enemies and bosses are effected, as are your weapons capabilities and indeed the plethora of visual effects the game utilises to help you on your way to seizure town.
The demo I grabbed off of Steam gives you 10 songs to play before it expires, so I quickly set about seeing what Beat Hazard could handle in a fun manner. I’d been told beforehand that it favoured something with a lot of guitar and drums, so I leapt into the Subhumans track ‘Internal Riot‘. The game seemed to be a bit slow on the uptake, the song starting off quite fast paced (and remaining so throughout) it seemed a bit hesitant to get going. Floating around with some asteroids made of space-junk to fire my pea-shooter strength lasers at for a bit before even getting my first enemy. Eventually it picked it socks up and got going, sending in a few waves and throwing out some volume and weapon powerups (The volume powerups are a bit lame.. I want it loud right away curse you!). All the time the aesthetics are bellowing into my eyes as I tried desperately to focus on my ship at the same time as keeping an eye on the swarm of enemies incoming, shrouded in a sea of particle effects, powerfully reacting to the music but.. well, just a bit distracting. I’m not very good at keeping my eyes on everything happening onscreen at the best of times (So shoot me?) and I was quickly overwhelmed and lost my three lives to end the song. Death was a bit disappointing, I enjoyed the “punish the score but don’t stop the action” stance of AudioSurf, but at least each death was pretty with all the colour draining out of the screen ’till I’d built the volume up once again.
Unperturbed I flicked open my music library and tried a bit of variation. “Bait Thief” by Bit_Rat, a nice, fast paced chiptune track was going pretty well until the bosses appeared and I got blown to smithereens., I’d recommend it if you’re better than me, which isn’t hard. The album’s free and available for download via that little link there, it’s a good listen. Next up was “Aint no rest for the Wicked” by Cage the Elephant, a song I unashamedly only know from the Borderlands intro. I fared much better this time, the game seemingly going easy on me with the slightly more laid back song, and I managed to make my way through the whole track unscathed, beating a boss in the process, another song I’d recommend playing! Looking for more variation I played “Warez loder” by YTCracker, “Cave Story” by Vernian Process, “California Uber Alles” by Dead Kennedys and “Indestructible” by Disturbed, which I lasted an awful 33% into, eep.
I forget the other songs I played (Yes I’m too lazy to check) but once I’d run the demo well dry of free songs, I idly clicked back to the main menu whilst admiring the continued music effecting the menu screen similarly to the game. There on the splash screen was the option to just watch the visualiser as a song plays. Well, I was terrible at the game, but I -do- like flashy seizure time set to good music! *Click*. I’m not quite sure how long I sat there watching lovely, lovely fullscreen colours, but it was probably not very good for me. It was pretty damn awesome though.
Apart from a few errors I had to start with (the current version of the game played up with my 1680×1050 resolution) and the error sat between the screen and the chair, the game was pretty fun. If I weren’t so terrible at these sort of games I’d probably pick it up on Steam, as it stands I am absolutely abysmal and would be very happy if I could get it as a WMP visualisation or something. Go on, you know you want to make one Cold Beam!
So yes, check out this gameplay video, pick up the demo now on Steam and give it a go- providing you’re not epileptic of course!
<3
Titchmarsh gaming “debate”
Mar 22nd
If you’ve not seen the clip from Alan Titchmarsh’s ITV chat show, in which games were pretty much shouted down by two morons as an industry expert tried to put across valid points, prepare to rage.
I did, and felt that I needed to express said rage in complaint email form.
To whom it may concern,
As a writer and editor of a gaming website, host of a videogames podcast and a seventeen year old, I found the so-called debate on gaming featured on Alan Titchmarsh’s show to be deeply insulting to gamers and teenagers alike. Watching Tim Ingham’s valid and well thought out points drowned out by the two other vastly uninformed guests left me with a stack of rage far greater than that of any violent videogame.
With some points flat-out ignored by everyone present, such as the fact games are subject to the same stringent ratings system as films, the ‘debate’ turned into a mockery, with two loud, wrong people allowed to shout themselves over the voice of reason. Leaving uninformed viewers with the sense that games are not a legitimate form of entertainment, and are more harmful than any other violent media. TV seems incapable of ‘doing’ games properly, stuck with the arcane stereotype that videogames are only of interest to basement-dwelling, neckbearded sociopaths, and this “debate” only served to exacerbate this.
I’ve been playing videogames the public would probably deem violent for many years, and whilst a little socially-awkward (Hell, that’s more to do with the internet than gaming, but don’t go and try to debate it on your channel, you might invite the geniuses behind the Chinese firewall or something) I’ve turned out just fine. Infact I’m anti-war, non-violent and about as likely to steal a car thanks to GTA as I am to thwart a terrorist plot thanks to Die Hard, which is unlikely. Years of sitting at a PC or console have left my bones withered and weak, and I would certainly not fare as well as Bruce Willis in such a situation because of this. Curses!
I’m also irritated at the implication that teenagers cannot think for themselves, because I’ve yet to kill someone with a plastic bag, overthrow the leader of an underwater city, eat mushrooms in order to extend my life or contain animals in tiny cages, occasionally forcing them to fight each other, despite having done all of these in the lovely, pixelly word of videogames. I don’t see it and suddenly jump to the conclusion that “Oh my, I simply must imitate this bad example”. No, and the thought that most teens would be swayed by games is silly. So please stop implying as such.
This continued sterotyping of gamers and the scapegoating of games in the media is one of the reasons I no longer watch your channel, and this video (which I saw illegally uploaded to Youtube, I bet the uploader was a gamer, I bet it was GTA what made him do it) has reaffirmed my decision to stay well away from your programming.
- Thomas Gibbard, disgruntled teenage gamer
If you too would like to complain, the email address is viewerservices@itv.com.
(Bought to my attention by @nickstone333 and TheSixAxis)
UPDATE: I received a reply telling me to instead complain to feedback@channeltvlondon.co.uk, I’ve done so, and would urge you to do the same.
On the topic of badges
Mar 22nd
- Image via Wikipedia
Kongregate is quite a large flash gaming site, so odds are if you’re reading this then you’ll probably have visited it many times before, because hey, it’s generally a nice site to play on. Quick, clean and with a large collection of games. It’d say it’s definitely my first port of call for any procrastination more interactive than hitting F5 on Facebook all day.
That’s not to say the site’s without its flaws, and sitting atop these flaws like some sort of irritating king would be the Kongregate community, which unfortunately appears to be largely comprised of 8 year old kids yelling at each other in the chat box or leaving absolutely moronic comments that just about sit in my peripheral vision as I bust some zombies or other unidentifiable blobs just a coupla hundred pixels above them. Ugh.
I guess I can live with that though, I guess I don’t really have to pay attention to them, right? I’ll just ignore all the comments and close the chatbox every time I find myself drifting onto the site. That’ll work, right? …Right? Yeah, no. Something I can’t ignore is the achievements-esque system Kongregate has in place, Badges. If a developer has gone to the trouble to put Kong’s stats API into their game, an administrator can come along and slap some achievements onto said game to sit below the game and reel in aforementioned 8 years old achievement whores, whilst simultaneously taunting me for not quite being good enough to get that last badge. You know what? Fuck you badges.
Of course, my real problem with badges is the fact that I want them damnit. I have no idea why I have the urge to complete these cursed goals to earn around 50px square of colour and to increment a number by my username, but I do. These badges detract from the original gameplay goals (unless they’re the unimaginative “beat the game lol” badges, in which case, whatever) and almost unfairly boost some games above others in the community opinion.
I know I promised I’d ignore the comments, but I want to punch babies when I see someone comment like this:
nublet09 [24] : 1/5 needs badges
If you’ve ever made a comment to that effect, go and die in some sort of massive fire made of salted acid. Developers can only add the stats API and sit back and hope that the badge gods decide to bestow them with point-laden fortune, and badges don’t make any damn difference to the quality of the game, you absolute fucking moron.
*Cough*
Sorry, got a little angry there. Yes, it’s these ’1/5 needs badges’ comments that drive me away from the site in rage wherever I notice them. Similarly ’1/5 impossible badge way too hard’ can cause me to angrily tab out and game elsewhere. Human idiocy really detracts from fun.
Badges are a tricky point really. On one hand they appear to drive the community further into some sort of whirling pool of fail, on the other hand… well, I want them damnit. I guess I wouldn’t be upset if they disappeared overnight, but I do regularly get irritated by the community and it’s lack of knowledge around how badges get added to games and it’s general idiocy.
That settles it. If it means I don’t have to read another ’1/5 needs badges’ comment they can go. Down with badges, who’s with me?
And I mean anything
Mar 20th
- Image via CrunchBase
One of the more recent social sites to do the rounds has been Formspring.me, where you can ask members questions anonymously (or with your user info attached if you’re registered) and they answer them, the responses being posted up on their profile for the world to read.
Now, I’d been pretty intent on absolutely ignoring Formspring, because… well… lets just say, the people I saw using it were exactly the sort of person you’d expect to want people to question them, who’d want everyone treating them as the centre of attention. It gave across a rather bad impression, and the question I saw answered (via various other social networking sites being linked into it) the most was always along the lines of “do u fancy x lol?” or the inevitable “HOW BIG IS YOU’RE PENIS? ROFL”. Clearly riveting reading.
So Formspring.me passed me by for a good while, the apps blocked on Facebook wherever possible, and the occasional answer from friend’s twitter accounts simply ignored. I didn’t feel like I was missing out, despite my huge interest in the dating habits and penis sizes of friends. I didn’t see anyone putting it to good use, but that changed recently.
I saw a few more of the people I follow on twitter begin to use it, and use it in an interesting way. People responding to actual questions, usually on their opinion of a musician or videogame (That sums up who I follow quite well) and I found myself reading a lot of the answers. T’was good reading, but I still didn’t really feel motivated to get an account, I mean, I’m uninteresting and I generally dislike people, why would I want another thing to refresh which involves both people and a need to stop being dull?
I found myself signing up for an account after seeing Peter Serafinowicz (@Serafinowicz) hold a Q&A session by retweeting the questions with the answers, highly limited in characters (Still brilliantly funny, as per usual), but I found myself thinking “Why doesn’t he just use Formspri- Oh crap, I’ve just mentally suggested a site I decided I was going to stay away from”, and pretty much immediately went to sign up. Damn my fickle ways.
And what did I find once I was registered? That, deep down, I was just as much an attention seeking whore as the people I’d been complaining about earlier. Great going Tom, you’ve become one of them. What’s next, telling the world how big your penis is? Well no. Because no-one’s asked me that yet.
So go ahead internet, do your worst and ask me anything.
Gaming away from home
Mar 14th
Recently I’ve had to temporarily take leave of my main sources of gaming joy, namely my PC and moderate collection of various last gen/retro consoles, to move somewhere sans gaming equipment. Sadface. Luckily, I’ve been lent a laptop (Thanks again Rhys) for work and there’s a couple of lovely unsecured wireless networks hanging around, so I’ve managed to remain online. Fine for everyday use, but for gaming?
I’ve lost my specs, any games on my hard drive… my Steam list! All I could bring was my external hard drive.. so here’s my guide to gaming without your usual gaming equipment:
Kongregate is your saviour
MoneySeize level select screen
If you have access to the internet, Kongregate and other Flash gaming sites are an invaluable weapon against the neverending, futile struggle between you and the slow decay of your soul via boredom. Check out the top lists in categories of game you’re interested in, and then move to hunting down random games. If you’re the type of gamer who likes to whore themselves out in order to obtain little pictures and increment a number by your name, hit the badges page on Kongregate. You’ll love it.
(Recommendations: Insurgo [Review], Sushi Cat [Episode] and MoneySeize [Review])
ROMs are illegal
You should definitely not go and get some retro emulation software and hunt down some classic game ROMs, because that is illegal and I would never urge you to do something illegal. If I were to do so however (which I wouldn’t), I’d recommend KFusion for retro SEGA emulation, VirtualBoyAdvance for GBA or older emulation and ePSXe for PS1 emulation. Of course, I’m not going to urge you to download these, and therefore cannot recommend them to you for some lovely, nostalgia heavy gaming. Another thing I wouldn’t do is express how easy it is to get hold of ROMs for various systems online, and suggest you use your search engine of choice to do so. Good thing too eh? What with it being illegal of course.
(Recommendations: None, I told you! They’re illegal, don’t do it :3)
Indie or Older titles
GTA I and II are free from Rockstar
If, like me, you have a low-spec laptop or computer at your disposal, you might miss your usual lineup of demanding games and have this compounded by the irritation of attempting to play some games that simply won’t run on the machine. Hope is not lost! Have a looksee for some places offering older titles for digital download, or hunt down some newwer indie games, which often have less demanding specifications than big titles. You may have noticed, but I’ve been hooked to VVVVVV, an indie title from Distractionware with easy to reach required specs, go play it! Similarly, casual games will often have much lower specs, and just as much replayability, especially if you go for a good addictive one.
(Recommendations: VVVVVV [Review], GTA 1 and 2, Peggle)
Borrow, Borrow, Borrow!
Another easy way to get some gaming into your current, gameless, life is to borrow a handheld console from some understanding friends. I’ve gotten my hands on a DS from a relative (Thanks Katie), and it’s saved 40+ hours of my life from being boring. Albeit if you’re being lent a handheld, it’s probably not used much and probably won’t have the newest of games. So what? More games to play! Pokémon Ruby and Beyblade V-Force might not be staples of the DS games market (Especially as they’re GBA games, but you know what I mean) but they’re fun, at least for a while.
(Recommendations: Anything you can get your hands on)
Game through others
Gaming through others covers various ways of coping with the inability to game. You could go and hit some multiplayer with friends, you could read review after review after review, you could watch gameplay videos, or you could do my favourite suggestion, and listen to videogames podcasts. Have we introduced ourselves yet? :3
(Recommendations; Someone better than us)
You’re perfectly able to keep up a nice ritual of gaming without any serious gaming equipment, though you might want to get back to your usual habits as soon as possible. You might miss something new!
<3
PS: I wrote this post after getting confirmation of being accepted into two new beta testing schemes. Neither of which I can partake in ’till I get back to my usual PC, how irritating is that, eh?
